today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
