hotel room ftw
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
