Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i now understand why vodka
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
