I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
