he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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