I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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