just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
