I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
