Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
time to smoke my breakfast
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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