We won't sleep together?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
