I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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