I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
