His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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