Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
