Umm I'm too high to move.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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