he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
