Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
