the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
