hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
