Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
