We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
