so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
