I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
