Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
