They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
