So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
