Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Your penis caused this!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
