Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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