Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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