You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
