so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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