Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
