We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have aggressive nipples.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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