just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
