so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
