im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
