nutella sex= disaster
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
