god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
