Don't make out with my wife yet
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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