oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
