i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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