I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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