Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
