I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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