those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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