based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
