Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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