Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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