Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
