I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
