you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
