I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
