Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think I am morally bankrupt
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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