We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
