Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
