Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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