Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
