Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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