I just saw a hot homeless man
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize