Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
