I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
