Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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