dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
