3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize