Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
