He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
