I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
