the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
