Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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