Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
