i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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