There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
