i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
