I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
