she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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