Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
