38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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